Five Essential Ingredients for a Trusting Relationship between You and Your Dog
What does a relationship without trust feel and look like?
If you've ever adopted or fostered a dog with a history of abuse and trauma, you know firsthand how dogs act when trust is broken. They guard their most vulnerable possession: their physical and emotional safety. They refuse to be vulnerable.
Can broken trust be rebuilt? You may have discovered already that love alone isn't enough to rebuild broken trust. Neither will providing for a dog's physical needs, including nutrition and comfort, be enough on its own to rebuild broken trust.
Because trust is fragile, the ingredients for rebuilding, maintaining, and growing trust must be interwoven, intentional, and honest.
Remember, there's no such thing as faking it with a dog! Here are five honest ways to work on trust between you and your dog.
One. Provide your dog with evidence that you really care. A trusting relationship implies reciprocity; trust is both given and received. If your dog is sensitive and anxious, you may lean toward more control and less trust.
But to gain your dog's trust, you must be ready to show them you care enough to trust them as well. Caring for and supporting your dog's self-confidence by giving them more options, including a safe exit, sends the message that you care about their feelings and have their back.
Two. Honor the dog's truth. When you speak to your dog during an episode of hyperarousal, if you're like most people, you intend to get the dog to stop barking, lunging, or growling as quickly as possible. You might tell them to calm down, not to be afraid, or to be quiet. Maybe you try distracting the dog with food.
Although these responses may feel like the right thing in the moment, they fail to acknowledge that the dog really is afraid, and even if the dog could calm down and be quiet (they can't), it would be an unhealthy suppression of their emotions.
Acknowledge the truth of the dog's feelings and help them "escape" their perceived danger. Allowing them time to decompress and release the physical effects of stress sends the message that they can count on you to honestly listen and to believe them.
Three. Be predictable so your dog knows what to expect. Being predictable makes you reliable and trustworthy. Routines are important, but predictability means your dog can depend on you for non-routine events as well.
⚠️The unusual or unexpected noise.
⚠️The dog that appears when you turn the corner.
⚠️The worker in your house that the dog can't accept.
Being your dog's reliable anchor when the unexpected startles them sends the message that you can be trusted to restore order.
Four. Follow your instincts and intuition instead of popular beliefs about dogs. Have you had it with all the voices telling you what you should do about your anxious dog? Train them. Control them. Punish them. 🤯
No one knows your dog as well as you do, which means that only your judgments are supported by evidence. Your knowledge, instincts, and intuition are your best resources.
When your words and actions are congruent with your instinctual understanding of your dog's needs, your dog can comfortably trust in your competence and advocacy.
Five. Establish safe boundaries. Boundaries keep unwanted things out and desirable things in. When trust is fragile or uncertain, clear boundaries offer a sensation of safety.
Physical boundaries are the framework, and emotional relational boundaries define the details that make it feel like home.
If dogs trust that their caregivers are consistently available to meet their needs, then relational boundaries like "not now, just a minute, first this, and wait here" are easily established.
Trust is reciprocal. Your dog instinctively understands your intentions. Building trust starts with your clear intentions.
Do One Different Thing:
One small shift can change everything.
- Consider one safe way to trust your dog with a new freedom that you'll accept no matter what the dog chooses.
- If your dog wants something at an inconvenient time, try explaining that you'll take care of it in just a minute.
- If you receive unwanted advice, try responding with words like this: "Thanks, I'll keep it in mind." Then listen only to your own inner wisdom.
