Having goals for your dog is fine, but if you get so absorbed in the future that you miss what's important in the present, you could be sabotaging those goals!
I'm not referring to goals for sport or competition, or goals for health. This is about behavior change goals. Things like inappropriate barking, anxiety, hypervigilance, and fear. These concerns manifest as behaviors, yet the real problem is the emotions that drive them.
Since emotions drive behaviors, setting goals for behavior change without considering emotions won't be successful and could even make things worse.
Perhaps you envision a specific behavior change for your dog. But you're at a loss when it comes to getting that message through to your dog! Nothing has worked. The same reaction happens every time.
What if you listened to your dog's feelings when the behavior occurs? You don't have to define those feelings; it's enough to recognize their existence. Here are some practices to help you stay attuned to your dog in the present:
Be Present. It's more than physical proximity. Holding the intention of emotional, mental, and spiritual presence creates a bond of safety and trust between you and your dog. A felt sense of safety is the foundation for behavior change.
Be Grounded and Centered. When you practice relaxation with slow, deep breathing, your dog will mirror your inner emotional state. If your dog's behavior causes you to become stressed, keep in mind that the dog's stress is also automatic, and he's counting on you to let him know all is well.
Be Clear and Calm. If your dog's behavior is rooted in fear, the kindest way to help is to calmly and clearly acknowledge his fear. Tell him you understand he's scared and you're right there beside him to help him feel safe. Give him time to release the fear and be patient.
Be Playful. Play extinguishes fear. Offer gentle play opportunities and see if your dog consents to participate. Be careful not to force the dog to engage in play if he's not ready. Compliance isn't consent. Consenting to play is an emotional shift. Compliance is following directions, and the dog can still be scared.
Create an experience of acceptance and sympathetic joy. The only way you can lead your dog forward from anxiety and stress toward resilience and relaxation is to accept him where he is in the present without resisting his true feelings. When you acknowledge the truth of the emotion driving his behavior, you let him feel heard and understood. Sympathetic joy means that you celebrate his successes, no matter how tiny. It sparks a deeply felt shared connection with your dog in the present moment.
When you put your attention on maximizing the possibilities of the present moment, you create a better future. But dwelling on future goals risks missing out on golden moments right now.
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